Snake & Fizz: Rock Star Diaries

Dry Off, Then Wear That Motherf@#$er!

HolyTaco has a great video up today that shows a bunch of non-union actors and models before they killed themselves because their lives were so meaningless.

Fat People, Unite!

So tonight, the blokes at ABC aired a brilliant show entitled "Half Their Size: The People Magazine Weight Loss Challenge". The show's title indicates fat people will end up weighing half their size after several months of dieting and exercise (FYI, they don't).

Well, Snake and Fizz would like to be the first to congratulate the eight food-loving people who participated in the challenge. We have seen the before and after pictures. The most impressive was the dame who lost 23 pounds in a mere seven months of hard work. What determination!

Hats off to you, large ones. You have gone from being morbidly obese to just being really fat. Be proud!

The Greatest Show On TV: The L Word

Snake and Fizz support a woman's right to choose...

...to bone another woman!

Mariah Carey Butchered on Live TV

"American Idol" will boot another flash in the pan hopeful tonight after the contestants butchered Mariah Carey songs on Tuesday evening -- and seriously, aren't those songs already butchered enough? The wrinkled, overdone female judge of course was nice to everyone and the Biritsh bloke had this to say:

"It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun," Cowell told Brooke White after her performance of Hero. "In other words the vital ingredient, the bit in the middle, was missing."

Well said, you sage wordsmith. Most of the Idol dames got similar scorn, but the three remaining fellas got jolly solid remarks. The loser tonight will be put into a glass box with Ms. Carey herself and subjected to her talking until their head explodes. Seems like a cruel punishment, but it is reality TV nonetheless.

Stars Dance The Rumba and The Samba

While dancing is a very un-rock star thing to do, we like dames -- fat dames, skinny dames, dames that climb on rocks...well, maybe not fat dames. What we're saying is we like looking at the ladies on "Dancing With The Stars". Last night's show had some caliente-flavored moves as the celebs grooved the samba and the rumba.

Here are the scores from last night:

Lame-ass singer Mario and Karina Smirnoff: 27
Elvis' hot ex Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel: 21
Short actress Marissa Janet Winokur and Tony Dovalani: 24
Some Latino actor Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke: 23
Hearing-challenged Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez: 22
Asian skater Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas: 29
Naked in American Pie Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: 23
NFL player Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska: 27

None of this means anything to us other than Priscilla Presley is the hottest old dame ever. Also, word has leaked out that Heather Mills will return in the show's finale to do a special dance called "The One-Legged Gold Digger". It should be something special.

Guess Who Won't Be Opening Up for Us?

This guy and his band had applied to open up for us on our next tour. We passed.

Exclusive: George Takei Murdered By CBS!

The suits are once again givin' it to us like Elton John in a boys' dorm. The greatest TV show in history -- which aired on Tuesday -- has been cancelled after only one episode. This is mind-boggling, considering the talent of former Star Trek star George Takei and his bitchin' shirt anchoring the series. Another example of there being no justice in this rock 'n roll-hating world.

Giving the Finger to "American Idol Gives Back"

Well, most of the world tuned in to watch the "American Idol Gives Back" charity show last night on FOX. And we're sure most of the world noticed that Snake and Fizz were conspicuously absent from the broadcast. It's not because we're not socially-aware rock stars -- we are -- it's because American Idol wasn't willing to pay the per diem stars of our caliber must have to survive. Get this: they actually told us we have to pay for our own booze, drugs, and hotel room. We couldn't hang the phone up fast enough. Anyway, here's a sampling of what the show was about:

Incidentally, we'd wreck that chick. Anyway, we recently "gave back" as well, because charity is very important to Snake and Fizz. Kids are our future, so let's do 'em proud.