Despite her yawn-inducing performance on last night's "Saturday Night Live", January Jones is still hot. And since we could care less about talent, she becomes our Groupie of the Week.
More January after the jump.
Continue reading "Groupie of the Week: January Jones (SNL Fail Aside)" »
There was some serious tweetin' going on yesterday and this morning as Paula Abdul announced she would be leaving "American Idol" -- apparently because the show didn't want to raise her above minimum wage. Here is what Paula said via her Twitter account:
"With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return..."
"I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon."
Sadly, this news somehow made Ryan Seacrest's cell phone device spontaneously explode. We think it's an assaddination attempt gone awry, but the cell phone companies can never get things right. Anyway, here's what he spat out on his Twitter page about the exploding incident...and about Paula:
"about to go to sleep when I started seeing my blackberry blow up. I have read what u have read and I am shocked and saddened about paula"
Ryan went on to say he plans to try a new hair gel today and get drunk in Paula's honor.
For those interested, the new season of "American Idol" will welcome back Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, and the hot one. We can't wait to see how quick the new winner will be dropped by their record label.
(Snake and Fizz are rockstars and the twisted wankers behind this site. Follow them on Twitter.)
So tonight, the blokes at ABC aired a brilliant show entitled "Half Their Size: The People Magazine Weight Loss Challenge". The show's title indicates fat people will end up weighing half their size after several months of dieting and exercise (FYI, they don't).
Well, Snake and Fizz would like to be the first to congratulate the eight food-loving people who participated in the challenge. We have seen the before and after pictures. The most impressive was the dame who lost 23 pounds in a mere seven months of hard work. What determination!
Hats off to you, large ones. You have gone from being morbidly obese to just being really fat. Be proud!
"American Idol" will boot another flash in the pan hopeful tonight after the contestants butchered Mariah Carey songs on Tuesday evening -- and seriously, aren't those songs already butchered enough? The wrinkled, overdone female judge of course was nice to everyone and the Biritsh bloke had this to say:
"It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun," Cowell told Brooke White after her performance of Hero. "In other words the vital ingredient, the bit in the middle, was missing."
Well said, you sage wordsmith. Most of the Idol dames got similar scorn, but the three remaining fellas got jolly solid remarks. The loser tonight will be put into a glass box with Ms. Carey herself and subjected to her talking until their head explodes. Seems like a cruel punishment, but it is reality TV nonetheless.
While dancing is a very un-rock star thing to do, we like dames -- fat dames, skinny dames, dames that climb on rocks...well, maybe not fat dames. What we're saying is we like looking at the ladies on "Dancing With The Stars". Last night's show had some caliente-flavored moves as the celebs grooved the samba and the rumba.
Here are the scores from last night:
Lame-ass singer Mario and Karina Smirnoff: 27
Elvis' hot ex Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel: 21
Short actress Marissa Janet Winokur and Tony Dovalani: 24
Some Latino actor Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke: 23
Hearing-challenged Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez: 22
Asian skater Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas: 29
Naked in American Pie Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: 23
NFL player Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska: 27
None of this means anything to us other than Priscilla Presley is the hottest old dame ever. Also, word has leaked out that Heather Mills will return in the show's finale to do a special dance called "The One-Legged Gold Digger". It should be something special.
Well, most of the world tuned in to watch the "American Idol Gives Back" charity show last night on FOX. And we're sure most of the world noticed that Snake and Fizz were conspicuously absent from the broadcast. It's not because we're not socially-aware rock stars -- we are -- it's because American Idol wasn't willing to pay the per diem stars of our caliber must have to survive. Get this: they actually told us we have to pay for our own booze, drugs, and hotel room. We couldn't hang the phone up fast enough. Anyway, here's a sampling of what the show was about:
Incidentally, we'd wreck that chick. Anyway, we recently "gave back" as well, because charity is very important to Snake and Fizz. Kids are our future, so let's do 'em proud.
