By Snake and Fizz contributor Mike Allen
Moshe Kai Cavalin, 11, graduates with honors from East Los Angeles Community College
this week, but just don't call him a genius. You might want to
call him an asshole.
"I consider myself a regular kid who works hard and does his best," says this only child of a Taiwanese mother and an Israeli father.
"If these are the results of this kind of match up, perhaps it should be outlawed. This is one giant asshole breed of people," said an unnamed college professor. Moshe started school at age 8, and without a doubt was the youngest person in the class. After several years, the kids at East L.A Community College with their mediocre averages noticed that perhaps he wasn't just a midget, but a child. Said a fellow graduate: "He kept screaming about how he was eight and not a damn midget or something. I felt bad for him, you know, because there's no other midget ass here at the school. Perhaps if there were, he wouldn't be such an asshole all the time. That guy sure loved him some juice boxes."
When he's not studying for finals, Moshe likes to relax and enjoy Astrophysics and martial arts. "My idols are Albert Einstein and Bruce Lee. I've already won numerous national martial arts titles. With my intelligence and my knowledge of the deadly arts, I'm probably the greatest person who ever lived," he said while smirking (Note: may or may not be an actual quote...okay, probably isn't).
When asked what he thought of video games he responded with "I feel it's a waste of time playing video games because it's not helping humanity in any way." He claims to want to use his knowledge to change the world. He's probably one of those guys who feels like Hitler's problem was he just didn't go far enough. Oh, and he didn't know karate. When confronted with the fact that East L.A Community College is a joke of a school and his degree in Communications would get him nowhere, he called us turds, and roundhouse-kicked our photographer in the balls. Little Moshe Cavalin might just be becoming the world's biggest asshole.
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