The real story of today's Kentucky Derby is the landslide victory Flying Private won before the race was won. What the hell are you guys chattering about, you ask? Heard the expression "piss like a racehorse?" Well, we were on the scene and witnessed the whizzing contest the four-legged wankers had before they went to the gate and let's just say, Flying Private's private parts unleashed about seven gallons in a mere twenty seconds. Here's how they finished:
1. Flying Private, 2. Mr. Hot Stuff, 3. Friesan Fire, 4. Mine That Bird, 5. Musket Man, 6. (tie) Advice, 6. (tie) Desert Party, 8. West Side Bernie, 9. Pioneer of the Nile, 10. Papa Clem, 11. Chocolate Candy, 12. Atomic Rain, 13. Summer Bird, 14. Dunkirk, 15. General Quarters, 16. Join in the Dance, 17. Regal Ransom, 18. Nowhere to Hide, 19. Hold Me Back.
I Want Revenge was scratched from this, too. For those with money on Flying Private, bloody nice work. And West Side Bernie, we want our five pounds back.
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