Five Crayon Colors We Need

Know how crayon colors now all have names that are not colors, like steel and pine? We miss the days when colors went by names such as, red and yellow. Back when violet was the "rogue" color in the box. But since those days are gone, we decided to help the crayon companies by suggesting some names that actually make sense for today's consumer.

Menstruation

 

While none of us have actually seen this color -- nor want to -- we imagine it is a color with shades like no other.

Things to color: Raspberry ice cream cones

Burnt Anus Orange

Anyone who has every eaten at a cantina south of the border knows this is a legitimate color.

Things to color: Daphne's hair (from Scooby Doo)

Viking This needs to be a color because how awesome would it be for someone to come over the grocery store's P.A. system with, "Attention: if you are the owner of a viking Dodge Ram, you left your lights on."

Things to color: The capes of superheroes, fruit

Snot 'o Retard

This color comes in various shades of green, but also has specks of lint and food in it, making for a messy party on the page.

Things to color: Scottish mountainsides, moths

Semen

This encompasses four colors (trying to figure out the fourth one?) -- all getting equal treatment. And remember: you can't wear white after Labor Day, but you can wear semen.

Things to color: Writing your name

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